When We Want

wHat is lovE mISsions

"LOVE GOD with all your heart,

and your neighbor as yourself."

The Torrans Tablet

"I love you, Mommy." She has blond hair like honey. Blue eyes like a butterfly.  And a smile like a porcelain doll. In my dreams, she gives me a hug. 

But now I am awake. I remember finding out I am pregnant. Being sure it is a girl. But at three months, the contractions come.  And the bleeding.

I miscarry one baby.  But I am thankful that the second fraternal twin lives. Our son is a beautiful blessing. I never feel like I want a girl instead. I just wish my daughter could be in my arms, too. 

Wishing, wanting, and praying are good things. They make us depend on GOD.  Because we are desperate.  Because we need HIM. Because the ache will not go away.

This is what happens when we want:

 1.  We Care

Oh, how we care for the people in our lives. Our husband, our children, our parents, our family, our friends. We love them. We do not want them to leave. But sometimes they have to.

2.  We Cry

When they are gone from our worlds, we grieve. We feel we can not go on. It is almost as if we never had them. But it is both hurtful and healing, because we did. Or did we, we ask ourselves.    

  3.  We Can 

But we can keep wanting and living at the same time. The desire might never go away. Our FATHER can give us another spouse, child, or friend. Though they will never replace the one we lost. Or HE can help us know that we can make it. 

I still wish for another daughter someday. GOD might give me a girl. Or HE may give me an adopted daughter, a daughter-in-law, or a  granddaughter. We might not get our prayers answered when we want. But it may be when we need.

Please share your prayer requests. And I will pray the LORD gives you the desires of your heart.

Love, Joey, Amy, Mikey, Jonny, A.J., and Annie Torrans

Missionaries to people who need prayer.

We all do.

While We Weep

wHat is lovE mISsions 

"LOVE GOD with all your heart

and your neighbor as yourself."

When I was three months pregnant, I had contractions, cramping, and bleeding.  I thought I had miscarried my baby.  But there was still one heartbeat.

When I had an early ultrasound, it looked like we were expecting a girl.  I thought I was having my daughter.  But when I gave birth, my husband said with surprise, "It is a boy!"

When my sweet son was placed on my chest right away, I was relieved he was here. I thought he was beautiful.  But I felt like I had lost his twin sister.

When our little man was a day old, he had a seizure, shaking, fast breathing, slow heart rate, and low oxygen. I had to go where he was to nurse him. But the specialists did not know what was wrong. 

When I see a pink dress, my eyes fill with tears as I miss the angel girl I was sure I was having. I cry when I worry about the angel boy I have.  But he is still getting tests and treatments.

When we weep, we grieve.  We mourn for someone who has died or might die. But GOD is still here, while we are weeping.


While We Weep, GOD Cares

When we feel alone, we feel GOD had left us.  We think HE is far away.  But HE is close, and HE is holding us.

While We Weep, GOD Cries

When we feel sad, we feel GOD is over there with all the happy people.  We bury ourselves in our pain.  But GOD hurts when we hurt, because HE loves us and those we love.

While We Weep, GOD Calls

When we feel empty, we feel numb.  We think our dreams are doomed and our wishes are wilted.  But GOD is whispering to our hearts, "I have a reason." 

When my wonderful son cries, I carry him and kiss him.  The doctors said his symptoms improve when he is with his mama who adores him.  But I still feel scared as I monitor his breaths. 

When you think you can not go on, we are praying for you.  You are loved, valued, and cared about.  Please let us know how we can help, while you go through a season of weeping.

Love, Joseph, Amy, Michael, Jonathan, AnnaClaar Jane, and Aaron Joseph Torrans

Missionaries to the hurting

Because all of us are broken 

whatislovemissions@gmail.com 

Why GOD Answers Prayer

wHat is lovE mISsions 

"LOVE GOD with all your heart

and your neighbor as yourself." 

The Torrans Tablet

"Please help us have a healthy baby girl." I pray this every day. Why does GOD seem to answer prayer sometimes?  And why does HE seem silent at others?  I do not know.  

But things are not always as they seem.  I have to believe GOD hears us.  My life depends on it.  Here are three reasons I think GOD does answer prayer.

1.  GOD Loves HIS SON JESUS.

The Bible says to pray in JESUS' NAME.  It is because HE is GOD'S CHILD. When we as parents hear our son's or daughter's name, we listen closely.  When we as CHRISTians ask with the power of CHRIST,  GOD leans in. 

2.  GOD Loves Us.

That old song JESUS Loves Me might sound too simple as adults.  But kids know.  Our whole world is based on the fact that CHRIST died and rose again because HE cares for us so deeply. I want to have faith in these scary times that the LOVE of JESUS is stronger. 

3.  GOD Loves Those We Love 

I adore my husband, my beautiful baby boys, my sweet unborn daughter, my parents, my siblings, my nieces and nephews, my extended family, my friends, and people I know.  So much it hurts.  So much I hurt when they hurt.  GOD loves our loved ones even more than we do.

Sometimes I worry that our little angel girl might not be healthy.  That something bad could happen to someone.  That horrible experiences are happening right now.  Because they are.  I can not understand why.  

But I pray.  I beg GOD to help in JESUS' NAME because HE loves us and HE loves others.  HIS HEART hurts with ours. So please keep sending your prayer requests to whatislovemissions@gmail.com. We will keep praying and GOD will keep answering :) 

Love, Joseph, Amy, Michael, Jonathan, and Baby AnnaClaar Jane Torrans

Prayer Warriors For The World

How To Have Hope

wHat is lovE mISsions 

"LOVE GOD with all your heart and your neighbor as yourself."

The Torrans Tablet 

"I'm sorry, I can not find a heartbeat."

Two different doctors look at me sadly after trying to find our pre-born Baby's heart beat with a doppler. I am four months pregnant.  It seems like our tiny angel has died. The office will schedule an ultrasound. I will have to give birth to a still born Baby.

Here Is Some Hope From GOD

Has your hope ever died?  Being without hope is like being without a heart beat.  You feel like you have stopped breathing, eating, drinking, and living. But here, GOD is still there.  It does not seem like it, I know; HE knows that, too. 

   From the time I was four years old, I prayed that JESUS would give me a Baby Girl someday. When my husband and I were engaged, we wanted to have healthy girls and boys after we were married.  We were blessed with a beautiful baby boy.  After learning our second child was also a sweet son, we asked GOD to please give us a daughter the next time we were expecting. I thought this was the Little Girl I dreamed of. 

Here Is Some Hope From Me

The technician tries to find a beating heart. Suddenly she says, "It is low, but it is thumping!" The Baby is not moving much, but the tech is able to measure a tiny human.  We are so grateful our Darling is alive, but I have contractions, high blood pressure, and have to be on pelvic rest and bed rest. Our prayer is that our Baby will come normally after at least thirty five weeks, but we are unsure.

Let me give you some hope.  I am scared, sad, stressed, and silent.  I am also hiding, holding on, hugging, and hearing. They go together, Dear One.  Despair and Desire. 

Here Is Some Hope From You

You might feel there is no hope in you; I do.  I feel worthless, wimpy, and weak.  But we are on earth for a reason.  The CREATOR made you, saved you, and loved you.  Your soul can have a relationship with HIS. 

How can we have hope?  There is some hope to be had in HIM, in my story, and in your life.  You can also help others hope again.  The hope of HEAVEN, your journey, and their fragile faith.

Here's to hoping.

Love, Amy, Joey, Mikey, Jonny, and Baby Torrans 

Missionaries to the Hopeless, Homeless, and Helpless

For that is what we are 

Without HIM