Saturday, February 17, 2018

I Am A Girl Mom

wHat is lovE mISsions

"LOVE GOD with all your heart
and your neighbor as yourself."

The Torrans Tablet 

I have not told many people this. It hurts too much. In July of 2014,I miscarried a beautiful baby girl. It was early in the pregnancy. We named her AnnaClaar Jane. 

 And January of 2015,the same thing happened. A daughter. Also at the beginning of being pregnant. Her name is Christina Amyleah.

 As hard as is it to admit, Victoria Angeleia and Rosalyn Mercy went to Heaven,August 2016 and April 2017. Always in my heart. And on my mind.

   Girls are a part of me. Girly is my DNA. GOD gave me daughters and sons. Gladly,I raise my beautiful boys to love,honor,and respect women.

Maybe I will miss my gorgeous girls forever. Miss the chance to grow up with daughters. Miss the mini me. Miss seeing what they act and look like. Miss having a best friend.

But I will keep trying to be a calm,caring,kind,kooky mama,most of the time. I am not a tom boy mommy. Dresses,skirts,elegant hair styles,boots,yoga pants,and pink are my jam. However,I do enjoy hugs,tickles,kisses,cuddles,
reading,swinging,and slides. And I will bring up each of my sons'sweet,stubborn,silly,strong personalities.    

Have you had a darling daughter,special son,or blessed baby pass away? We feel your pain. Or are you not able to have a child? I am so sorry. Did adoption or foster care fall through,like it did for us? 

Please feel free to tell me your story,so I can pray for you. You can email,message,call,or text 719-571-0457,if you ever need to talk. I am also here for single mothers,your miracle 
babies,and little 
children in other countries. Please be praying for me as I grieve for my girls. We all need each other. 

Love,Amy,Annie,Christie,Torrie,and Rosie Torrans

Missionaries to the broken hearted.

Because my spirit is broken,too.      

Saturday, January 7, 2017

The Listener

wHat is lovE mISsions

"LOVE GOD with all your heart,
and your neighbor as yourself."

 "You need to start a mom's group as soon as possible, so you have more support!" The counselor's confident voice shocked me.  I had just been in the PICU and the Children's Hospital for three weeks.  My beautiful baby boy almost passed away.  How could I "do" more at a time like this?

You know, I appreciate where the perky therapist was coming from. The intention was "get up and go." But I had already gotten up and gone somewhere inside my head. My heart was broken. How could I take care of a seven month old who could die at any moment?

You understand. The ache of my soul was for someone to listen. I needed to find words, speak, cry, and try to explain the despair I felt. My spirit shouted and whispered to be heard.  How could I just nod, smile, blink, and pretend I had energy to do everything the nice lady demanded?

"You can tell me anything." The kind voice of my friend made me relax. I shared my fears, my failures, my wishes, and my weeping.  My sister in CHRIST responded in sympathy and empathy.  How freeing it felt to be myself.

You, dear reader, are special. The pain, purpose, suffering, and silence you experience matter. I want you to know, I care. My "door is always open" to welcome you. How can I listen to you, right now?

You may call or text me at 719-571-0457. The comment section below is also for prayer requests. I can be reached by email and by messages. My ears will hear, and my heart will see. How I shall pray for GOD to help you.

You can also talk to JESUS, Beloved. The desperation you know, HE knows, too. "I do not think HE loves me", you might say. My emotions falsely go there sometimes, also. But oh, how HE truly longs to listen.

Missionaries to the scared, sad, and scarred, Joey, Amy, Mikey, Jonny, and A.J.

Because we are, too.

If you need me, I will be a Listener.

Monday, April 18, 2016

I Need A Superhero

wHat is lovE mISsions

"LOVE GOD with all your heart
    and your neighbor as yourself."

The Torrans Tablet

I am a mess. Man, I need chocolate. And a person to make everything better. Someone super.

In January, my life changed forever. Our little man, age six months, had a fever of 105°.  And he was rushed to the ICU. So after two weeks, he was transported to the Children's Hospital.

I am told he has Chronic Granulomatous Disease, a rare, life threatening disease. Oh, man. And tumors in his liver, kidneys, and head. Super sad.

Do you ever feel like your life is messy? Grab some chocolate ice cream. Let me be a person who helps a little. Say these things to yourself when you are super stressed:

1. I Have A Superhero Friend

One or more people to step into your mess. Meet your needs. Make a few things better. I am super thankful for my friends and family.

2. I Am A Superhero

Your mess will someday be your message. You need to know that you are amazing. You're a stronger person than you think. You are someone I would like to know.

3.  I Have A Superhero GOD

HE cleans up messes. HIS SON JESUS became a man and died for you. HE will make everything better, one day. In HIS arms, I know that SOMEONE loves me.

Please feel free to share your super problems. I believe in super prayer.

Friday, January 1, 2016

Children's Coloring Contest

wHat is lovE mISsions 

"LOVE GOD with all your heart
and your neighbor as yourself."

Hey Boys and Girls!  This is a contest where you can win a prize. Here is all you have to do:

1.  Ask your parents to help you print or copy the following picture.

2.  Color with crayons, pencils, markers, or digitally on a computer or phone.

3.  You can also include a Bible verse  about children, helping people, or being happy, if you want. 

4. Please send it to

5.  Have fun :) If you have any other questions, you can email, call, or text What Is Love Missions at 719-571-0457.

Friday, October 2, 2015

When We Want

wHat is lovE mISsions

"LOVE GOD with all your heart,
and your neighbor as yourself."

The Torrans Tablet

"I love you, Mommy." She has blond hair like honey. Blue eyes like a butterfly.  And a smile like a porcelain doll. In my dreams, she gives me a hug. 

But now I am awake. I remember finding out I am pregnant. Being sure it is a girl. But at three months, the contractions come.  And the bleeding.

I miscarry one baby.  But I am thankful that the second fraternal twin lives. Our son is a beautiful blessing. I never feel like I want a girl instead. I just wish my daughter could be in my arms, too. 

Wishing, wanting, and praying are good things. They make us depend on GOD.  Because we are desperate.  Because we need HIM. Because the ache will not go away.

This is what happens when we want:

 1.  We Care

Oh, how we care for the people in our lives. Our husband, our children, our parents, our family, our friends. We love them. We do not want them to leave. But sometimes they have to.

2.  We Cry

When they are gone from our worlds, we grieve. We feel we can not go on. It is almost as if we never had them. But it is both hurtful and healing, because we did. Or did we, we ask ourselves.    

  3.  We Can 

But we can keep wanting and living at the same time. The desire might never go away. Our FATHER can give us another spouse, child, or friend. Though they will never replace the one we lost. Or HE can help us know that we can make it. 

I still wish for another daughter someday. GOD might give me a girl. Or HE may give me an adopted daughter, a daughter-in-law, or a  granddaughter. We might not get our prayers answered when we want. But it may be when we need.

Please share your prayer requests. And I will pray the LORD gives you the desires of your heart.

Love, Joey, Amy, Mikey, Jonny, A.J., and Annie Torrans

Missionaries to people who need prayer.

We all do.

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

While We Weep

wHat is lovE mISsions 

"LOVE GOD with all your heart
and your neighbor as yourself."

When I was three months pregnant, I had contractions, cramping, and bleeding.  I thought I had miscarried my baby.  But there was still one heartbeat.

When I had an early ultrasound, it looked like we were expecting a girl.  I thought I was having my daughter.  But when I gave birth, my husband said with surprise, "It is a boy!"

When my sweet son was placed on my chest right away, I was relieved he was here. I thought he was beautiful.  But I felt like I had lost his twin sister.

When our little man was a day old, he had a seizure, shaking, fast breathing, slow heart rate, and low oxygen. I had to go where he was to nurse him. But the specialists did not know what was wrong. 

When I see a pink dress, my eyes fill with tears as I miss the angel girl I was sure I was having. I cry when I worry about the angel boy I have.  But he is still getting tests and treatments.

When we weep, we grieve.  We mourn for someone who has died or might die. But GOD is still here, while we are weeping.

While We Weep, GOD Cares

When we feel alone, we feel GOD had left us.  We think HE is far away.  But HE is close, and HE is holding us.

While We Weep, GOD Cries

When we feel sad, we feel GOD is over there with all the happy people.  We bury ourselves in our pain.  But GOD hurts when we hurt, because HE loves us and those we love.

While We Weep, GOD Calls

When we feel empty, we feel numb.  We think our dreams are doomed and our wishes are wilted.  But GOD is whispering to our hearts, "I have a reason." 

When my wonderful son cries, I carry him and kiss him.  The doctors said his symptoms improve when he is with his mama who adores him.  But I still feel scared as I monitor his breaths. 

When you think you can not go on, we are praying for you.  You are loved, valued, and cared about.  Please let us know how we can help, while you go through a season of weeping.

Love, Joseph, Amy, Michael, Jonathan, AnnaClaar Jane, and Aaron Joseph Torrans

Missionaries to the hurting

Because all of us are broken 

Thursday, April 2, 2015

Why GOD Answers Prayer

wHat is lovE mISsions 

"LOVE GOD with all your heart
and your neighbor as yourself." 

The Torrans Tablet

"Please help us have a healthy baby girl." I pray this every day. Why does GOD seem to answer prayer sometimes?  And why does HE seem silent at others?  I do not know.  

But things are not always as they seem.  I have to believe GOD hears us.  My life depends on it.  Here are three reasons I think GOD does answer prayer.


The Bible says to pray in JESUS' NAME.  It is because HE is GOD'S CHILD. When we as parents hear our son's or daughter's name, we listen closely.  When we as CHRISTians ask with the power of CHRIST,  GOD leans in. 

2.  GOD Loves Us.

That old song JESUS Loves Me might sound too simple as adults.  But kids know.  Our whole world is based on the fact that CHRIST died and rose again because HE cares for us so deeply. I want to have faith in these scary times that the LOVE of JESUS is stronger. 

3.  GOD Loves Those We Love 

I adore my husband, my beautiful baby boys, my sweet unborn daughter, my parents, my siblings, my nieces and nephews, my extended family, my friends, and people I know.  So much it hurts.  So much I hurt when they hurt.  GOD loves our loved ones even more than we do.

Sometimes I worry that our little angel girl might not be healthy.  That something bad could happen to someone.  That horrible experiences are happening right now.  Because they are.  I can not understand why.  

But I pray.  I beg GOD to help in JESUS' NAME because HE loves us and HE loves others.  HIS HEART hurts with ours. So please keep sending your prayer requests to We will keep praying and GOD will keep answering :) 

Love, Joseph, Amy, Michael, Jonathan, and Baby AnnaClaar Jane Torrans

Prayer Warriors For The World